


the clubs are weapons of war

by Hortensias



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Bad Puns, Canon Era, Card Games, Gen, hence the infodump, this was meant to be meta but turned into fic instead?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hortensias/pseuds/Hortensias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire owns a weirdly hybrid card deck. His friends discuss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the clubs are weapons of war

Bossuet was busy dividing playing cards in groups of four when Grantaire arrived at the Corinthe.

"I wanted to play a solitaire while I was waiting, but I am missing a few cards in my game."

"Which ones exactly?" said Grantaire, pulling his own deck out of his pocket, "I’ll give them to you. This pack is missing some as well, and they’re all mixed up anyway."

Bossuet eyed the cards suspiciously. “These have been not tampered with, I hope?”

"My friend!" cried Grantaire with exaggerated indignation, "You accuse me of marking my cards for cheating? Of renouncing the thrill of flirting with our lady the fortune for the vile smell of money? You wound me greatly."

He waved at Gibelote for a bottle of wine and said: “How did you lose so many anyway? They look barely touched.”

Bossuet gave a small laugh. “If I recall correctly, the King of Diamonds got accidentally burned on a candle. Joly used the Queen of Hearts to send a note to his mistress and three Aces were taken by Courfeyrac to write coded messages on their backs.”

"So he left you with only an Ace of Spades… Well, you really are dressed like an  _as de pique,_  was that meant to be a deliberate reference to your terrible clothing, I wonder?” said Grantaire, while searching through his deck for the right cards.

Bossuet laughed when his friend handed him the missing King of Diamonds. “Your king is a republican! Look, he’s wearing a cap! Is that a revolutionary pack of cards you have there?”

Grantaire sat back in his chair and looked up, dreamily. “Our charming yet terrbile leader  _does_  accuse me of playing games with your noble cause. He may have a point there.”

A delighted Jean Prouvaire made his entrance in the room, decreeing that they  _must_  let him tell their fortunes, for he had learned all the secrets of cartomancy from the Sibyl of the faubourg Saint Germain herself, Madame Lenormand.

"Gather round, my friends, for today I will be your Pythia. Although the tripod I am sitting on bears a leg too many to be suitable for Delphi."

"And the fumes you have inhaled are no sacred  _pneuma,_ I am sure.” added Grantaire.

"Aren’t you supposed to use tarots, though?" inquired Bossuet, deeply amused by his friends’ antics.

"The goddess Fortuna can speak through any- I pray, is this not one of David’s designs?" said Jehan, holding up the Jack of Diamonds. "Can you see the eagle watermark? It’s from the empire! These are quite rare nowadays, where did you find it?"

Grantaire mumbled something about worshippers of Bonaparte’s ass.

"I find Napoléon’s tastes in Antiquity a little too martial." Bossuet grimaced at the name but Jehan went on examining the roman centurion on the card. The colors were slightly faded, especially the red on the cape. "There is such a thing as too much  _romanitas_. One does get tired of all these eagles. The mysteries of paganism, on the other hand-“

"Badmouthing eagles in dear Lesgles’s presence! What a cheek!  _Quel toupet,_ I would say, if cranial pilosity wasn’t such a sensitive matter for our friend.”

As a response, a piece of cheese found its way into Grantaire’s glass.

"The Queen of Clubs is David’s too!" cried Jehan, "Although this one’s from the Convention, when they put the Liberties and Geniuses and Equalities instead of all the crowned heads. That's why it's _Liberté de Mariage_."

Grantaire took the Queen, or, rather, the Liberty, from Jehan’s hand and put it next to the traditional Jack of Clubs.

"Now Lancelot can offer the services of his spear to  _citoyenne Pudeur_ , the Modesty, or the Freedom of Marriage. Quite fitting indeed, knowing the man’s problem with married women.”

Jehan was taking his usual thougtful pose. “I like this hybrid deck of yours. A good metaphor for our politically muddled times.” 

"Or our Grantaire’s muddled opinion on politics." said Bossuet, taking a sip from Grantaire’s glass.

"Was that my name I heard in the same sentence as the word  _politics_? I may take offense and challenge you to a duel,  _monsieur._ Oh, my head is spinning like the wheel of fortune. I look at the bottom of my glass, and what do I see? Nothing, because it’s empty. Bring me another bottle and I will prophecize you the fall of any kingdom, empire or democracy. As good Plato said, it’s a perpetual degeneration going round and round and round like a windmill pushed by the winds of history. GIve your king a cap and umbrella or your elected representatives the crown and sceptre. They’re all the same in the end.”

By the end of Grantaire speech, Bossuet had spotted Joly from the window and was waving him to come upstairs.

"Now that there’s four of us," he said, "How about a game of Brisque? Who wants to team up with me for a secured seat on the losing side? I will prove you that Madame la Fortune is not blind at all and takes great pleasure in watching and laughing at me."

**Author's Note:**

> Wow are you really reading this thank you so much I am quite touched.
> 
> Grantaire has four types of cards mixed in his deck. The [official national design](http://www.millon-associes.com/html/fiche.jsp?id=2104601), [its revolutionary variation](http://www.millon-associes.com/html/fiche.jsp?id=2104592&np), the cards [designed](http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Musee-historique-lausanne-img_0126.jpg) by [David](http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jeu_de_cartes_sous_la_Terreur.jpg) under the Terror, in which all the figures were substituted with Geniuses, Liberties and Equalities, and the [official empire deck](http://www.millon-associes.com/html/fiche.jsp?id=2104597) also by David. (Grantaire may or may not have pilfered those David cards from Gros's studio, depending on the intensity of your Gros feelings.)
> 
> The cards that are used [today in France](http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeu_de_52_cartes#Cartes) are basically the [official design of 1816](http://www.millon-associes.com/html/fiche.jsp?id=2104601), except that the figures are double-headed instead of standing on their feet (the flipping was introduced around the July monarchy). Each face card is associated with a mythological or historical person, such as Lancelot for the Jack of Clubs.
> 
> The puns oh my god I am so sorry. An as de pique (ace of spades) is a badly dressed person; more info [here](http://www.francparler.com/syntagme.php?id=352) if you are interested in/can read the French. Toupet can mean nerve or cheek in a figurative sense, but the literal meaning is "a tuft of hair" so, yeah, I just couldn't help it, the joke was making itself.
> 
> Madame Lenormand was a cartomancer who really existed and was rumored to have predicted the fall of Napoleon and the rise of the July monarchy.


End file.
